Where's the dedication?

Apparently even illnesses can be noncommital, as discovered by my recent "cold (?)".

stop looking at me, swan!

This IBM ThinkCentre is taunting me. Pretty soon every piece of equipment in this office is going to be personified due to frustration.

then again

maybe not

windmills of your mind

It's that day again. Waiting for a ball to drop.

danger will robinson

Note to anyone living in the age of technology:
It is not, I repeat NOT, acceptable to break up with someone/announce a tragic illness or death/propose marriage/ convey any piece of vital or deeply emotional imformation by use of AIM or cell phone text messaging!!! Thank you.

the rice...it's everywhere...

It may be time to declare an official epidemic. This particular illness is not only highly contagious but extrememly expensive and tends to have the most severe effect on young women. Beware of anyone who has developed a sudden obsession with florists, toasters, or condominiums or has recently begun to wear a lot of white.

the next weird al or everyday nutcase?

I bring you my father's alternate lyrics to Piano Man -

There's a big ol' wide ass on the piano man
It covers the bench end to end
He can't reach the keys, he was born with no knees
And none of his elbows will bend

*If you are not familiar with the song Piano Man, what the hell is wrong with you go buy a Billy Joel CD immediately.

playing limbo

sans pole and funky island music

the aging process revisited

"I actually now have friends in their 30's who are surprisingly not much older than us."
~ L.

Well played, my friend.

stupid lamp

(www.explodingdog.com)

swingline

My stapler is moody.

side effects

Warning: Before entering this area, understand that there is a possibility of contracting P.B.D.E. (Prolonged Boring Document Exposure). Continuous activity in this environment may increase your risk of developing certain conditions, such as S.O.D. (Severe Ocular Dehydration) , A.W.A. (Acute Wardrobe Atrophy) and S.H.I.T. (Sudden Head Impact Tendency), the most dangerous of these afflictions, in which the subject suffers from repeated placement of the forehead against hard surfaces with increasing force. Proceed with extreme caution.

good is dumb

See? I told you there would be more.

MasterFox13: I want to get rolling... but there's a strange man sleeping on my couch.
WinnieE1: Wait, what?
MasterFox13: Apparently my roommates father.
WinnieE1: I hope so. Otherwise I'd check your locks.
MasterFox13: I was worried he would tell both of us separately that he's the other person's father... and then kill us in the night.
WinnieE1: Brilliant plan on his part, as long as you two don't speak to each other.
MasterFox13: Brilliant, but unsuccessful.
WinnieE1: clearly
MasterFox13: Or was it?
WinnieE1: Unless i'm talking to an imposter... WHO ARE YOU?
MasterFox13: I am YOUR roommate's father!
WinnieE1: NOOOOOOO!!!

some prefer "band-aid"

come on...just look at 'em...

Captain Jack

Theory : Many of my friends are made of psychotropic substances.
*Evidence to follow.

morning person

Laura enters library.
Laura: Hi! (pauses to dance to Lady Madonna playing on the computer) Umm, I need...I'm trying... to find...No! Never mind! I got it!
runs out
...3 minutes later...
Laura enters library.
Laura: No, I was wrong.

it's right up there with "my dog ate my homework"

"I don't think you understand how little time I have. I spend a good couple of hours every day just walking through my kitchen. It's not that my kitchen is that large...I just walk really slowly."

I guess he'll have to settle for the bronze, Jim.

The following conversation is based on real events. The names have been changed to protect...somebody...

Telulah: I was thinking I could take up dog-throwing
Telulah: midget throwing is kind of last season
Telulah: although, I like dogs, so I'd have to practice on rats
Geraldine: as in "throw a dog at your neighbor"?
Telulah: yeah
Geraldine: cool
Telulah: although considering my like of dogs, I might have to substitute "big cushy mattress" for "neighbor"
Geraldine: eh, still the same principle...sort of...
Telulah: I could become a lobbyist for the sport of rat throwing.
It has been long ignored in the olympic circle.
Geraldine: this is true
Telulah: too long, in my opinion.
Telulah: I mean, a shotput can't even squeak or carry diseases. what fun is that?
Geraldine: i can't recall the last time i saw a good rat toss
Geraldine: saw one, yes. but a good one?
Telulah: I figured I'd start small. you know, as an elementary school field day event
Telulah: or as the fun and games at batmitzvahs
Geraldine: hey, gotta start somewhere
Geraldine: i hear the pole vault started at a batmitzvah
Geraldine: it was a right of passage
Telulah: see? there is hope.
Telulah: once the jews are on board, we're pretty much set.
Geraldine: that's just what jesus said
Telulah: indeed. indeed it is.

scrumtrulescent

Sweet. I love it when people make up new words to describe me.
*see pack rat comments

pack rat

Ah, now I have a place to put some of the IM conversation bits I've saved over the past few years. I bring you the first installment of what will surely be many...

threepiovertwo: I really, really don't want to be reincarnated as the thing that grades multiple choice standardized tests
WinnieE1: i'll try to make sure you're not
threepiovertwo: use your networking skills, will ya?
WinnieE1: i'll mention it to satan and his nephews. we're tight after spending so much time together on that drive home last week
threepiovertwo: ok, cool. say hi to darlene for me. you know, Mrs Satan
WinnieE1: right, right. i know you two go way back
threepiovertwo: yeah, we graduated from Dartmouth in 74
WinnieE1: which department was that again?
threepiovertwo: We were both Obnoxious Paper Clip majors
WinnieE1: the good old OPC. I miss those days
threepiovertwo: yeah, you and me both

cotton candy, kickboxing and "cream cheese"

There are so many things that could be said about this day (and the next few days) in September of 2004. But I know my words will not truly convey the glorious images in my head. So I will simply say

I Love Love Hotel.

To my wonderful LNC - best trip ever.

maybe you should just go with "junior"

While sifting through various legal documents at work, I discovered a sales contract dealing with a Mr. Ladson D. Tankersley.

Keeping the Faith

These pictures were found at http://www.engrish.com/, a fabulous website dedicated to providing amusement through the improper use of English in foreign countries. Apparently this Japanese company has a special love for Billy Joel songs.

leaving your "mark"

Right now, one year ago, I was on my way from Milan to Paris.

ka-tet

I love utterly random and wonderful coincidences.

*And in the tradition of Miss Memi, 10 points if you know what the title means.

then again

He could have been watching a football game.

inspiration

I think Seth McFarland was eating Lemonheads when he made the concept drawings of Stewie Griffin.

freedom rhymes with 'we from'

You know a show is damn funny when you laugh uncontrollably simply reading the script.

be afraid, be very afraid

My general mood and state of mind can be substantially altered by The Gilmore Girls. What are the implications of this?

the more you know

The word facetious contains all of the vowels in alphabetical order.
And no comments about Y.
How often do you name the vowels and include Y?
Don't start with me.

Conspiracy Theory

The higher powers of a certain international hotel corporation may harbor intentions to imprison any visitors at their headquarters.

Don't believe it?

Well you explain why a person can enter the washroom without difficulty, but then must pass an employee ID card through an electronic lock in order to leave.

Ha! How do ya feel about that theory now?

Cheeky monkey!

Was that you or a foghorn?

mold and ragweed are the devil

there's a moose in the yard

Ha, they say "ya, hey" and "aboot".

And now, an actual headline from the UP's newspaper, the Mining Gazette:

Parachuter, Despite Wooden Leg, Dies

...you figure it out

Coffee and Pie

Liz (looking at the young man passing the table): Hey, I know that kid.

Bob (having just noticed a new aroma in the restaurant): He smells like burning.

Liz: Yes, he does. (to young man) Hey, are you on fire?

YM: Liz? You used to date Eric, right?

Liz: Yeah, you're Adam's friend. But seriously, do you have something burning in your pants? I smell fire.

YM: Um, no. That's the kitchen.

Liz: Oh, ok. Well, nice to see you.

daily affirmations

Will Work for Cake

Show Dick some respect.

For a corporate legal office, we have a strangely acute knowledge of pop culture references.

Office Space

This may be the only place in the world where the following conversation makes sense:

a: "Ugh, what's that smell?"
b: "Oh, someone needs to go water the closet."

*If you'd like an explanation, let me know. Otherwise feel free to make up your own plausible scenario.

Why not?

I have succumbed.