bruised with a 40% chance of whiplash

Whirlyball is awesome.

film at 11

What's happening in the world today? Let's see, there's the ever-growing war in the middle east, hurricanes approaching the gulf coast, problems with social security and health care, various important bills before congress, hell - global warming if you want to beat a severely maimed horse. So what's the lead story being on advertised on Fox for tonight's news at 9?

"Why is Stuff So Hard to Open?"

How Packaging Can Injure Your Family

I quit.

excuse me for just a second

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHGHGHHHH!!!!!!!!

Michelle and Maxwell

song currently stuck in my head -
"Let's Do It For Our Country" from Grease 2.

I am totally serious.

I am also totally ashamed.

all for naught

more fun with Craigslist "free" postings

- lawnmower & children's water slide (NW Indiana)
I'm really hoping that's one item.

- giant dumpster of packaged garlic (15th St. & Blue Island)
Somebody call Buffy. She might want this.

- Old Barn, free for tearing down (Channahon, IL)
If you have the urge to destroy, come on by.

the urban melting pot

When your lightweight white cotton skirt and tank top are stuck to your body with the force of the ten year-old gum that was stuck to the bottom of your desk in third grade, it's too freakin' hot out.

she is me

Did you ever have the feeling that you have managed to seriously screw up your own destiny?

an excerpt

Joe: (to the waitress, who already informed us that she is not single and/or looking) Excuse me, have you met my friend Matt?

Waitress: Yes, I have.

J: He's a good looking guy, isn't he?

W: Yes, he's adorable.

J: He's a great guy. Obviously needs some help with the fashion sense. I mean, look at what he's wearing now.

Matt: Dude. You're one of the worst wingmans ever.

Joe: Way to pluralize, Matt.

Drunk girl nearby : Merman...MerMAN!


Oh, NU bar night. Also - oh, Zoolander.

I love it when things suck. Don't you?

Well hello there, Care Bears. I was wondering when you'd come visit me again.

Ah, much better.

Pancakes - check.

What a deal!!!

Has your sizeable bank account become a burden to you and your loved ones? When you open your wallet, do you say to yourself "What in the world am I going to do with all of this money?" Are you looking for something fun to do with the five grand that you stole from your workaholic coke-sniffing stepfather? Do I have the answer for you? Do I? Huh? DAMN SKIPPY!

Now, for a limited time only, you can purchase my sanity!!! That's right. Provided in a lump sum or in simple monthly installments, your money can keep me from losing my mind! To find out more about this amazing offer, call
1-800-555-2727. That's 1-800-555-CRAP. Call now!

*offer void in Delaware

me fail english? that's unpossible

bi·month·ly ( P ) Pronunciation Key (bi-munthle) adj.

1.Happening every two months.
2.Happening twice a month; semimonthly.

Does anyone else have a problem with this?

case of the Wednesdays

I am starting a petition to permanently implement the 3-day work week.

holy scanned agreements

Welcome to my Batcave.

5...4...3...2...

Ok. Time to let go...of everything...all at once. Ready?

just as soon as I'm finished with this teleportation device

L: You should marry him.

Me: I think *____* might have a problem with that.

L: Are they engaged?

Me: No.

L: Well then go break them up. Obviously.

Me: Of course. I'll get right on that.

then it registered

I need more unmarried friends.