What a deal!!!

Has your sizeable bank account become a burden to you and your loved ones? When you open your wallet, do you say to yourself "What in the world am I going to do with all of this money?" Are you looking for something fun to do with the five grand that you stole from your workaholic coke-sniffing stepfather? Do I have the answer for you? Do I? Huh? DAMN SKIPPY!

Now, for a limited time only, you can purchase my sanity!!! That's right. Provided in a lump sum or in simple monthly installments, your money can keep me from losing my mind! To find out more about this amazing offer, call
1-800-555-2727. That's 1-800-555-CRAP. Call now!

*offer void in Delaware