LNC '06

Oh yeah. That's right. We are totally gonna cause California to break off into the Pacific Ocean. Or maybe steal a leprechaun. Something good.

it's not about pizza

Last night my family and I were driving through south Chicago when we spotted this sign -

Elmo's Tombstones
"Before you go, call Elmo."

Noah in 2032

I just saw a ten-year-old on Oprah who knows more about politics and US History than 90% of high school students. He thinks we need to decrease our dependence on foreign countries, particularly where oil is concerned and concentrate on America's problems, like social security. He also feels that students should concentrate more on history because future problems can be solved using past experiences, and if they know more about the government they will understand why voting is so important. And I quote, "By the time they turn 18 they should be excited to vote, they should be counting the days until they can." In a Presidential Trivia game, he scored higher than CNN correspondents and congresspeople.

My suggestion -
When it comes to the qualifications to run for President, let's ditch the age limit and try a minimum IQ. Who's with me?

I protest

Perhaps people wouldn't get upset about growing older if it weren't for the fact that life as an adult is quite the pain in the ass.

no

I just discovered a collection of "Will You Marry Me?" ecards. If anybody spots the other three horsemen, be sure to let me know.

Opera PMS

Is it

a) the name of a subsection of Micros Systems, Inc., which provides training and support in the world of information technology?

or

b) what my friend will have the week before his performance of Cosi fan tutte?

I LOVE you guys

my new favorite phrase (used to describe something that is tremendously good) ...

sex on a chocolate pancake

life questions

Before you go anywhere, ask yourself, "Will there be alligators?". You know, so you can figure out your A/J ratio. (alligators/people named Jake)

FU FCC

While we're on the subject of television, I'm pretty sure there are several networks that are bribing the censors. As long as there's no swearing or full frontal nudity, certain writers can pretty much get away with anything. Not that I'm complaining. There's nothing more annoying than a fabulous line being destroyed because it's supposedly inappropriate for whatever channel/time of day it's on. (See: "This is what happens, Larry, when you find a stranger in the alps.")

But what inspired this posting was last night's episode of House, in which the following exchange occurred.

(discussing their patient who was awake during a colonoscopy)
Dr. Cameron: Do you have any idea what it feels like to have a six-foot hose shoved into your large intestine?

Dr. House: No, but I just gained a lot of respect for whatever basketball player you dated in college.

Yup, it's offensive as hell. But who cares? I love this show.

30 minutes of life that I'll never get back

It seems that these days all one has to do in order to get a television show on the air is to create a title that might attract viewers. I therefore present the following suggestions. Let the network offers come rolling in.

- Thongs Behaving Badly
- Celebrity Jailtime (aka Stars Behind Bars)
- Desperate Housecats
- The U.P.
- Trading Genders (because seriously, everything else has been covered)
- American Idle

there's no denying

Without us, it would only be outrageo.

HA!

I need to own this shirt.



And while we're at it, this one.

BUNNIES!!!

OWWWWWWWWW

That is all.

honk if you know what fruiterus means

I freakin' love regression. No, seriously. Live in the now, my ass.

chocolate babies?

Sometimes my friends read my mind in really bizarre ways. That's when hilarity ensues.

be with us next time for

The Great Gum Massacre of Aught-Six

or

My Trip to the Dentist

candy shop

I've just been assigned a nickname for the first time ever. This is amusing.

tell her what she's won

What amount would constitute a lifetime supply of ______?

- hats
- sharks
- post-it notes
- Eli

somebody's got a case of the...

And the award for Best Email You Can Receive on a Monday Morning goes to...

"Please join us in the kitchen for build-your-own brownie fudge sundaes."

the gouda life

I need to live in a cheese culture.

small rocking chair that doesn't

It's like the antichrist version of the Little Engine That Could.
http://chicago.craigslist.org/zip/148442248.html

quote of the evening

No, quote of the entire apartment search process.

"I haven't had a good egg since my father died."

camitude

"You just wait 'til I get out of this carseat. Then we'll see who's got a duck on their head."

I'm joining the corporate softball team.

I'll take "Sentences I Never Thought Would Leave My Mouth" for 500, Alex.

"that's the perfect age"

Would you rent an apartment from someone who sounds a lot like Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs?

"you took the water, you shouldn't oughtta..."

~things that need to be released on DVD immediately~

- Muppet Babies (specifically the episode in which they sing opera spoofs)

- Tiny Toon Adventures (specifically the episode in which Plucky Duck fights to the song Particle Man by They Might Be Giants)

- The Monster Squad (scary German guy)

- Mork and Mindy- Season 2 (you heard me)